Thursday, June 04, 2020

Hotel Sunshine


A pleasant hotel lobby, a picture window showing a swimming pool and palm trees. a tourist pulling luggage, and looking at her room key, #311. on the wall a sign with various arrows showing the directions to the: Rooms, Reception, Cafe, Swimming Pool, Sauna, Gym, Torture Chamber, Business Centre, Beauty Salon, Disco, Casino
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Wednesday, June 03, 2020

Swimming Pool


Underwater view of an aqua blue swimming pool. a woman is diving down to the bottom of the pool, bubbles rushing past her. she sees a sign that reads: 8 Feet. 5 Tentacles. behind her five huge greenish brown tentacles swirl towards her from the deep end.
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Friday, May 29, 2020

Company Picnic


A mother introduces her teenage son to all her co workers at the company picnic - her boss, her boss' kids, the photographer, the board, some colleagues, but the kid only looks at boobies, not faces. afterwards, mom says "did you notice the diversity in this company?" and the kid says, "no," and mom hugs him and exclaims "I'm so proud to have a son who doesn't look at people's skin color!" (while she's hugging him he is ogling yet another woman's chest.
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Friday, May 22, 2020

How to Ruin Coffee


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Monday, May 18, 2020

4 Things Yogis Worry About


Yogi #1: thinking "please don't say it in sanskrit, please don't say it in sa-" and the teacher says "Dho mukha svanasana." Yogi #2: doing the back bend Camel Pose, thinking, "What if i can't get back up?" Yogi #3 speaking for several people in class who are all examining different bits of their bodies, "Teacher? We don't actually know what a sacrum is." Yogi #4: doing a downward dog pose, thinking "This" (is what we worry about) as a tiny fart escapes.
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What Makes A City Livable?

International Day Against Homophobia, Transphobia and Biphobia  - i missed it. it was yesterday!  but it's never too late to celebrate.


a hetero couple says: Oh golly, we're easy! We just want a place where the schools are good and we can have our pets and a pool and go surfing weekends. So what do you two look for in a city? the gay couple says: A place where we can admit we're a couple.
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Sunday, May 17, 2020

Green Dog Cafe: Cup Charge



The customer, a little white dog, says to the water, a big English Sheepdog in a green apron: Can i have some hot water? The waiter says, "Sure, there's a 35-cent charge." The customer says: I brought my own cup. The waiter says, "umm...." and the customer says. "So you owe me 35 cents." the waiter says, "ok" and gives the money to the customer who leaves. last panel: the owner, a siamese cat named Bok Choi appears, arms crossed, looking angry at the waiter. "We need to talk," Bok Choi says.
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Friday, May 15, 2020

Yoga Half-Moon Pose


Yoga studio. all the students are doing half-moon pose, which means touching the ground with one hand, standing on one leg, the other leg and arm high in the air. one student's tight yoga pants have just ripped at the seat, revealing lacy teal underwear, and she's blushing bright red as the teacher yells "I said HALFmoon pose, not full moon!" yes....an underwear joke. what can i say? i'm in lockdown and no one can stop me from drawing underwear jokes.
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Thursday, May 14, 2020

Suitable Reading


Scene: A hospital room in drab greens. A patient in the bed, green face. A visitor in a facemask holding up a pile of books and saying, "I brough you some books to occupy your mind!" the books include titles such as The Little Match Girl, the Titanic, Fun with Germs, The Big Book of Ebola, the Great fire of London, and Pilgrim's Progress
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Tuesday, May 12, 2020

Green Dog Cafe: Meet Happy

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Saturday, May 09, 2020

When Lockdown Ends (our locks after lockdown)

big city park scene: children playing in a sandbox, a lady walking her dog, a father taking his toddler for a walk, children flying a kite, a lady dancing and singing, a bird flying overhead. all of them have hair down to their waists, or a giant fluffy afro. the man has a waistlength bear also. and the dog has long dragging hair, too. and the bird, the bird has long hair. why? birds have feathers, don't they? well, this bird has long hair, ok?

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Friday, May 08, 2020

Quarantoon: Yelleworking

split screen. one side shows a man yelling at his laptop: "What? Can you repeat what you said?" on the other half of the screen is a woman yelling into he cellphone: "What? You got cut off! Say that again?!"

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Wednesday, May 06, 2020

Quarantoon: Day 45 of Lockdown

kitchen. three people, a dog, a cat, and a baby. the baby is waving a knife and fork and grinning evilly with its one tooth. the dog and cat are howling and trying to get out of the way as one person leaps across the table holding a knife, while the other one knocks over a chair while running away holding a colander over their head for protection. Grandma is reaching for another knife from the knife holder. spoons and forks have been jabbed into the table top, bowls are flying, glasses are being knocked over. one person shouts "From now on we eat food that doesn't require utensils!"

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Tuesday, May 05, 2020

Kilt Creativity

scottish festival, parading bagpipers and men in many different kilts. one guy has a kilt that's solid red with one horizontal line. he says "ours is not a creative clan."

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Monday, May 04, 2020

Autotranslate: Emergency Texts from the Government

two different women staring perplexedly at their cellphones. one has a text reading "If you have high blood pressure, dry hair, or a swollen chest, call your local doctor by phone!" the other phone reads, "Follow good hygiene and keep atrophy safe!"

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Friday, May 01, 2020

The Future of Flights?

inside an airplane. only four seats, all widely spaced. passengers wearing facemasks. Cabin attendant coming up the aisle with a tray with cups on it. the cabin attendant is in full-body biohazard suit, and says "Coffee? tea?"

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Thursday, April 30, 2020

Complicated Machine

Complicated Machine Frame 1: a teleworker with an earphone. she’s talking to someone on the other end of the phone line. she says “Click that.” Frame 2: “Yep, save….oh, you can’t?” Frame 3: “Well, then, enable access.” Frame 4: “this is a great function. you’re going to love it. but it doesn’t work yet.” Frame 5: “Ok, enable ‘follow.’” Frame 6: “Just copy the link from the root directory. Frame 7: “No, you have to be in the Beelzedot environment. Oh? Hmmmm….” Frame 8: “Then you’ll need the cross platform browsolator.” Frame 9: “ You get that from the app hut. I’ll wait.” Frame 10: “You have to be logged in through Finland. Why? It’s a workaround.” Frame 11: “Ok, did you get it? Good, now click the blue mule in the list subdirectory.” Frame 12: “No, you have to be on an iPad. or a phone. this is a mobile-only directory.” Frame 13: another woman steps into the room holding a basket of dirty clothes. She says, “hi, can you do the laundry?” Frame 14: the person on the phone holds up her hand to refuse the suggestion, and says. “Ugh, i can’t use that machine. too complicated.”

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Monday, April 27, 2020

Quarantoon: Carrot Soup

a pot of bubbling soup in the foreground next to a chopping board with a big knife, half a lemon, a potato, and some green onions. to the side is a table with a bowl and spoon. and across the kitchen there is a man standing in front of the open fridge. the crisper drawer is open and a carrot and a parsnip or a turnip are waving their fists. the Turnip has a sign that says "Freebom!" the Carrot yells "We're tired of being stuck in the fridge! We want out!" And the man says "Ok" with a smile.

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Sunday, April 26, 2020

Quarantoon: Power Outages

sunset in a semidark apartment. a darkened laptop on the desk, the lamp is off, a candle next to it is lit. a weight bench and scattered barbells lie about the floor, with a cat lounging on the bench. a person is talking on the cellphone. someone's voice from inside the cellphone: "The power's out again? So what do you do when that happens?" the person answers "exercise." we see that the person has grotesquely huge powerful muscles all over the body.

This is the logical outcome of converging problems: countries where the power is cut off frequently, and a time when people aren't allowed to leave home.  Any hobbies we have suddenly go into overdrive. 
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Saturday, April 25, 2020

Quarantoon: Day 30 of Family Lockdown

two crazed people chasing each other through an apartment. the female character is chasing the male character, She's brandishing a baseball bat. She yells, "He touched my side of the sofa!" The guy yells "She pinched me!" meanwhile in the foreground a teen with a disgusted expression is sitting in an easy chair texting on her cellphone. the text reads "Barfy Emoticon. Parents are at it again."

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