Wednesday, December 01, 2021

How To Saint

How to Saint In the past, to be a saint you had to give up your time and money. (scene: an elderly bearded man in a monk’s robe handing bread out to a line of homeless people in the snow, cats and pigeons cleaning crumbs off the cobblestones. ) or bits of your body (scene; a dungeon. a nun behind bars. a greasy jailer chortling and approaching with giant tongs). You had to withstand criticism (Scene, the french countryside. Joan of Arc in armor and carrying a banner of the flour de lys, marching off, while peasants watch and say “She’s mad!”) Lots of it. (scene, John the Evangelist in a giant pot with a fire stoked beneath it. a man in leather doublet pours a long ladle of hot oil over the marty’s head) But now it’s easier! (scene, an office. two desks. one person says “I sent you that link you wanted.” the other person says “you’re a saint!”) Scene: two people waiting at a bus stop on an icy day. one holds out a thermos cup and says “coffee?” and the other says, “you’re a saint.” So become a saint today - refill someone’s printer paper! (scene - a person shutting the paper tray of a desktop printer and winking)

 

Saturday, November 27, 2021

Packing Peanuts

A couple standing amid several big cartons filled to the top with packing peanuts. the man looks satisfied, and says, "we're gonna need more packing material!" the other person looks in frustration at the labels on each box: 1 plate. 1 cup. 1 book.

 

Thursday, November 25, 2021

Mama does the Laundry

woman and her grown son sit at the kitchen table. she's got hair curlers in, and is wearing a yellow dress and pineapple earrings, and is drinking tea or coffee. he is in a suit and fedora and is slumped over his cup, no eye contact. strung from wall to wall is rope with wet money hanging off it by clothes pins. She says, "Tommy, when are you gonna start doing your own laundry?" and he mutters, "Come on, ma...."

 

Sunday, November 14, 2021

2022 Maze Calendar

MAGICAL MAZES!

You’re stuck on hold on the phone? Waiting for your ride to show up?
Put your finger at the beginning of the maze and find your way. If you find the exit before your ride arrives, you win! If your ride arrives before you finish, you win!
Available now at Lulu.com

 




Thursday, November 11, 2021

4 Types of Online Trolls

4 Types of Online Trolls: Frame 1: Seems Nice. Is Nasty. a sweet looking guy is typing busily at his computer and smiling. he types "hi! want to play Farm Babies with me?" but in the background we see bones of dead people, and torture victims hanging from the walls of the dungeon he's in. Frame 2: Seems Nasty, Is Nice. a middle aged woman is playing competitively on a gameboy unit, and he yells “die in a ditch, fartnoise! you’re PWNED!” while the computer plays sounds of shooting, crashing, and screaming. on the wall behind her is a certificate for Teacher of the Year, and lots of pictures drawn by kids, with crayon, reading “we love you” and with hearts and other gushy stuff. Frame 3: History Buffs. shows the comments section of an online article. Reelmerican writes; The pandemic is a hoax. Governnor Hitler can’t quarantine us! Mallard Fillmore’s Grandpa writes: Pfft. Anne Frank had it better!! Chewy34P3 writes: Mussolini would have fixed this faster. CaptainOfMyOwnDestiny writes: FREEDOM4 AMERICAA!!!!111111 Frame 4: Actual trolls. we see a giant shaggy orange beast with pointed teeth sitting in a hammock near a peaceful lake, beneath palm stress. the Beast types on its iPad: thurhug ishug gorotu ushhinuku gorotu dure? duleakum inifir glogzag hakawn!

 

Monday, October 25, 2021

Green Dog Cafe Halloween 2021 - what's hot in costumes?

Frame 1: 2021's most popular halloween costumes: The Virus (picture of Happy the blue poodle wearing a blobby green costume. Frame 2: The Bee. picture of Bok Choi the siamese cat pulling on a black and yellow bee costume with wings. frame 3: the Imp. picture of Señor Banana the Chihuaua in a red devil outfit painting fierce eyebrows on. Frame 4: The warm coat: picture of all three at an outdoor party, bundled up in parkas, autumn leaves blowing around them. a banner reads: "Stay Safe - Party Outside!."

 

Monday, September 27, 2021

The Achiever (the overthinker)

 

This is really more about overthinking than achieving.  And about how you can have several whole trains of thought in the space it takes someone to say two words out loud.


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