Showing posts with label gym. Show all posts
Showing posts with label gym. Show all posts

Thursday, June 04, 2020

Hotel Sunshine


A pleasant hotel lobby, a picture window showing a swimming pool and palm trees. a tourist pulling luggage, and looking at her room key, #311. on the wall a sign with various arrows showing the directions to the: Rooms, Reception, Cafe, Swimming Pool, Sauna, Gym, Torture Chamber, Business Centre, Beauty Salon, Disco, Casino
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Monday, May 18, 2020

4 Things Yogis Worry About


Yogi #1: thinking "please don't say it in sanskrit, please don't say it in sa-" and the teacher says "Dho mukha svanasana." Yogi #2: doing the back bend Camel Pose, thinking, "What if i can't get back up?" Yogi #3 speaking for several people in class who are all examining different bits of their bodies, "Teacher? We don't actually know what a sacrum is." Yogi #4: doing a downward dog pose, thinking "This" (is what we worry about) as a tiny fart escapes.
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Sunday, April 26, 2020

Quarantoon: Power Outages

sunset in a semidark apartment. a darkened laptop on the desk, the lamp is off, a candle next to it is lit. a weight bench and scattered barbells lie about the floor, with a cat lounging on the bench. a person is talking on the cellphone. someone's voice from inside the cellphone: "The power's out again? So what do you do when that happens?" the person answers "exercise." we see that the person has grotesquely huge powerful muscles all over the body.

This is the logical outcome of converging problems: countries where the power is cut off frequently, and a time when people aren't allowed to leave home.  Any hobbies we have suddenly go into overdrive. 
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Saturday, April 18, 2020

Quarantoons: Are You A Quarathlete?

Are You A Quarathlete: Nifty Exercises You Can Do in Lockdown! BEAN CURL: woman doing bicep curls with canned beans as dumbbells FAMILY LONG JUMP: three kids and a dog kneeling and looking up as dad takes a flying jump over their heads SPOUSE-UPS: Guy doing pushups on a layer of dozens of rolls of toilet paper still in the plastic wrapper. His wife is sitting on his back TIN-CAN RUN: Guy running in place in his bathtub - the bottom of the tub is lined with cans of food which act as a roller. at the bottom: “Handy tip: Use stockpiled TP or off-season clothes a gym mat!”

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Sunday, April 12, 2020

Quarantoons - Exercise at Home!

a big family is confined in their small apartment. grandma's pushing up the window and hollering, dad is banging his head on the wall, children are climbing the walls and bouncing on the bed, dog is chasing the cat in circles, one kid is standing in front of the television mooning his big brother who is trying to play video games, and is now jumping on him to wring his neck, and mom is holding up a struggling toddler, her muscles quivering as she speaks into her cellphone, saying "Yes, Mom, we're all getting plenty of exercise."

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Wednesday, March 25, 2020

Quarantoons: 4 Activities to Balance your Health

four images. first: Woman doing pushups, cats supervising her, she's swearting. labeled Push-ups. Second: skinny guy in his tighty-whities trying to do a chin-up while his dog barks at him. Label: Pull-ups. Third: older bald guy in grey sweats doing situps and cussing and sweating Label: Sit-ups. fourth: woman grinning manically at the stove, flipping something greasy in a frying pan which also has a grilled cheese sandwich. she's drooling. Label: Fry-ups

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Sunday, August 27, 2017

Gym Hamster

woman running on a treadmill. next to her, also on a treadmill, is a mega hamster in an exercise ball.

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Friday, January 17, 2014

Shovel the Snow instead of kibitzing! and Time to Go to the Gym


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