Friday, May 29, 2020

Company Picnic


A mother introduces her teenage son to all her co workers at the company picnic - her boss, her boss' kids, the photographer, the board, some colleagues, but the kid only looks at boobies, not faces. afterwards, mom says "did you notice the diversity in this company?" and the kid says, "no," and mom hugs him and exclaims "I'm so proud to have a son who doesn't look at people's skin color!" (while she's hugging him he is ogling yet another woman's chest.
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Friday, May 22, 2020

How to Ruin Coffee


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Monday, May 18, 2020

4 Things Yogis Worry About


Yogi #1: thinking "please don't say it in sanskrit, please don't say it in sa-" and the teacher says "Dho mukha svanasana." Yogi #2: doing the back bend Camel Pose, thinking, "What if i can't get back up?" Yogi #3 speaking for several people in class who are all examining different bits of their bodies, "Teacher? We don't actually know what a sacrum is." Yogi #4: doing a downward dog pose, thinking "This" (is what we worry about) as a tiny fart escapes.
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What Makes A City Livable?

International Day Against Homophobia, Transphobia and Biphobia  - i missed it. it was yesterday!  but it's never too late to celebrate.


a hetero couple says: Oh golly, we're easy! We just want a place where the schools are good and we can have our pets and a pool and go surfing weekends. So what do you two look for in a city? the gay couple says: A place where we can admit we're a couple.
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Sunday, May 17, 2020

Green Dog Cafe: Cup Charge



The customer, a little white dog, says to the water, a big English Sheepdog in a green apron: Can i have some hot water? The waiter says, "Sure, there's a 35-cent charge." The customer says: I brought my own cup. The waiter says, "umm...." and the customer says. "So you owe me 35 cents." the waiter says, "ok" and gives the money to the customer who leaves. last panel: the owner, a siamese cat named Bok Choi appears, arms crossed, looking angry at the waiter. "We need to talk," Bok Choi says.
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Friday, May 15, 2020

Yoga Half-Moon Pose


Yoga studio. all the students are doing half-moon pose, which means touching the ground with one hand, standing on one leg, the other leg and arm high in the air. one student's tight yoga pants have just ripped at the seat, revealing lacy teal underwear, and she's blushing bright red as the teacher yells "I said HALFmoon pose, not full moon!" yes....an underwear joke. what can i say? i'm in lockdown and no one can stop me from drawing underwear jokes.
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Thursday, May 14, 2020

Suitable Reading


Scene: A hospital room in drab greens. A patient in the bed, green face. A visitor in a facemask holding up a pile of books and saying, "I brough you some books to occupy your mind!" the books include titles such as The Little Match Girl, the Titanic, Fun with Germs, The Big Book of Ebola, the Great fire of London, and Pilgrim's Progress
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Tuesday, May 12, 2020

Green Dog Cafe: Meet Happy

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Saturday, May 09, 2020

When Lockdown Ends (our locks after lockdown)

big city park scene: children playing in a sandbox, a lady walking her dog, a father taking his toddler for a walk, children flying a kite, a lady dancing and singing, a bird flying overhead. all of them have hair down to their waists, or a giant fluffy afro. the man has a waistlength bear also. and the dog has long dragging hair, too. and the bird, the bird has long hair. why? birds have feathers, don't they? well, this bird has long hair, ok?

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Friday, May 08, 2020

Quarantoon: Yelleworking

split screen. one side shows a man yelling at his laptop: "What? Can you repeat what you said?" on the other half of the screen is a woman yelling into he cellphone: "What? You got cut off! Say that again?!"

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Wednesday, May 06, 2020

Quarantoon: Day 45 of Lockdown

kitchen. three people, a dog, a cat, and a baby. the baby is waving a knife and fork and grinning evilly with its one tooth. the dog and cat are howling and trying to get out of the way as one person leaps across the table holding a knife, while the other one knocks over a chair while running away holding a colander over their head for protection. Grandma is reaching for another knife from the knife holder. spoons and forks have been jabbed into the table top, bowls are flying, glasses are being knocked over. one person shouts "From now on we eat food that doesn't require utensils!"

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Tuesday, May 05, 2020

Kilt Creativity

scottish festival, parading bagpipers and men in many different kilts. one guy has a kilt that's solid red with one horizontal line. he says "ours is not a creative clan."

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Monday, May 04, 2020

Autotranslate: Emergency Texts from the Government

two different women staring perplexedly at their cellphones. one has a text reading "If you have high blood pressure, dry hair, or a swollen chest, call your local doctor by phone!" the other phone reads, "Follow good hygiene and keep atrophy safe!"

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Friday, May 01, 2020

The Future of Flights?

inside an airplane. only four seats, all widely spaced. passengers wearing facemasks. Cabin attendant coming up the aisle with a tray with cups on it. the cabin attendant is in full-body biohazard suit, and says "Coffee? tea?"

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