Tuesday, September 29, 2020

Lederhosen

The entrance to the vast Oktoberfest fair. Three people in traditional bavarian clothing (including lederhosen) are staring in shock at a skinny young man with long hair, a black tshirt, and tight black pants. He says "You SAID to wear leather pants. I did."

 

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Saturday, September 26, 2020

4 Reasons People Love Oktoberfest

4 frames, each one showing a person in traditional bavarian clothing. 1)man says "The music!" He has huge curled mustache, plays an accordion with one hand, and is holding a stein of beer in the other. 2: a young woman says "The rides!" she is sitting in a bumper car, smashing into another driver. she drives with one hand and in the other holds a large stein of beer. 3) a man with a curled white beard says "The clothes!" He's showing off his lederhosen and suspenders with one hand, and holds a giant stein of beer in the other. 4) a young woman with a crown of braids says "The pretzels!" in one hand she holds a pretzel, and in the other a gigantic (and very close-up) stein of beer.. .

 

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Saturday, September 05, 2020

Quarantoon: Lockdown, Day 150

Small downtown apartment. in the foreground a birdcage with an angry-looking green budgie perched inside it. In the background a skinny bored person leans against the window, looking out and talking on the phone, saying, "I'm going CRAZY cooped up in here."

 

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Monday, August 31, 2020

Emergency Phone

Lonely highway, an elderly pickup truck is pulled off to one side, steam billowing out of the engine. in the foreground, an orange Emergency Phone with the word SOS painted on the side. The man in overalls is holding a wrench in one hand, and the telephone receiver in the other hand. he has a puzzled look on his face. coming from the receiver of the telephone is a shrieking voice that yells, "Help! Help!"

 

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Friday, August 28, 2020

Moving House: Moving Stuff

interior of a house. Cardboard boxes stacked everywhere, a carpet is rolled up, and a dog is asleep on the floor. two people fill the boxes with their household belongings, and carry the boxes out. written in marker on the boxes: Bathroom / Kitchen / Junk Drawer / Stuff i want HIM to deal with / Stuff we don't need but can't let go of yet / Her Junk / stuff to donate (but not yet) / wrapped presents for whoever/ To sort out later

 

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Sunday, August 16, 2020

In Hell

scene: Hell. an underground cavern with a lake of lava and steam. Two sinners are up to their necks in fiery brimstone, and from a cliff above them a winged red demon pours a buck of hot lava onto their heads. One sinner says to the other, "It's not the heat, so much as the humidity."
 

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Sunday, August 09, 2020

Shark Half-Fortnight draws to a close: Speaking of Bait....

We close out the Shark Half-Fortnight by easing up a little on our shark addiction, and looking at shark's pelagic pal, the Octopus!  or in this case, the Octopus and the Hero - a tale worthy of Chaucer, perchance?

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Saturday, August 08, 2020

Shark Half-Fortnight: Bait

midocean, a diver approaches a shark holding his hand out, swimming eagerly - the shark is dangling an irresistable lure: a bottle of beer
 

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Wednesday, August 05, 2020

Shark Half-Fortnight: Predatory Watermelon (Carcharodon Citrullus)


hot summer day out in the fields. a gardener in bluejean cutoffs and a bandannam wearing gloves and holding a clipper, holds a watermelon in her arms, and she looks frightened. circling around her feet, rustling through the greenery and vines is a school of watermelons with sharklike fins and teeth, and angry red eyes
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Tuesday, August 04, 2020

Shark Half-Fortnight: School Teacher


Mid-ocean. A school of young sharks is gathered around their teacher. One child raises a fin and asks, "Teacher! What happens if we don't turn in our homework on time?" The teacher, with a bored look, replies, "I eat you."
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Monday, August 03, 2020

Shark Half-Fortnight: Snorkling with the Sharks


A snorkeler paddling happily along the surface of the water encounters a shark coming towards him. the shark is upside down, floating in the air, with its fin in the water, and it too has a snorkel, allowing it to breathe in the water.
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Sunday, August 02, 2020

Shark Half Fortnight: underwater SMS texting


a scuba diver hovers in the ocean, fins slowly paddling, as she uses her waterproof phone to text a friend. Behind her a shark is opening huge jaws to engulf her. Her friend texts, "Look out! Shark!" and she responds, "LOL, right!"
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Saturday, August 01, 2020

Shark Half Fortnight: Tragedy Strikes at the Linnaean Society Picnic

The Linneaean Society of London is a learned society dedicated to Taxonomy, the correct naming of all species.
Members of the Linnaean Society - scientific naming of all species by taxonomy - are picnicking at the beach. The members of the Linnaean society leap to their feet yelling at a swimmer, "Look out! Carcharodon Carcharias!" and the swimmer shouts back, "What?" as a shark sneaks up behind him.
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Thursday, July 30, 2020

Shark Half Fortnight: Humid Day


A couple in their underwear sitting in the easy chairs, a fan blowing on them. The man reads a newspaper. The woman is fanning herself with a paper fan. She says, "It's so hot today, it feels like we're underwater." Behind them, a shark floats through the open window.
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Wednesday, July 22, 2020

Yoga (Mugging) in the Park


People doing yoga in the park have left their bags, wallets, and purses out on the grass near by. A robber comes by, points a gun at them as they are touching their toes, and shouts "Reach for the sky! No, wait...uh...reach for the ground!"
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Sunday, July 12, 2020

Zombie Secretary: Diversity, Nutrition, Resilience


Panel 1: the boss says to the audience of employees, "Today's topics are Diversity, Nutrition, and Resilience." Panel 2: she continues, "Begonia will present first." Panel 3: Begonia turns to the man sitting next to her and reaches for him, growling, "brains,....gr...." and the boss shouts, "Begonia! No!" Panel 4: Begonia, now, holding the terrified coworker by his hair and tie, turns to the boss, and says, "What? I'm demonstrating nutrition." the boss shouts, "Diversity! As our token zombie, you represent diversity!"
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Thursday, July 09, 2020

Zombie Secretary: I Love My Job


Panel 1: Coworker says: I just love my job so much. Panel 2: coworker happy says, "I want to die at my desk!" Panel 2: Begonia, the Zombie Secretary, plunges a knife into coworker's back. Panel 4: Ghost of coworker says "That's not what i mean!" Begonia says, "no backsies."
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Thursday, June 25, 2020

Golf-course Condo for Retirees


A putt-putt golf course with the course running through a toy fire hydrant, a giant hotdog, a sculpture of a roll of toilet paper, a pig, a big blue head, and a tiny condominium building. two miniature lakes and a tiny grassy meadow. a bald man and white-haired woman stand on the grass smiling at the tiny building. the man says into a cellphone, "Well, kids, mom and i finally bought a condo on a golf course!"
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Monday, June 22, 2020

Extra Leg Room


Airport check-in counter: a woman customer stands at a check-in counter speaking to a male airline employee who is sitting behind the desk, working on his computer. she says, "May i get a seat with extra leg room, please." then you notice that she has 3 legs.
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Saturday, June 20, 2020

Solstice Sacrifice


the edge of a caldera atop a volcano. deep in the pit bright red lava bubbles and steams. the sun is just rising. a woman in a white ceremonial dress, her arms tied behind her back, has just kicked a man, also in white ceremonial garb, into the crater. he falls screaming in fear towards the lava as the woman shouts, "you want a sacrifice? YOU make it!"
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