Showing posts with label bathroom. Show all posts
Showing posts with label bathroom. Show all posts

Sunday, January 11, 2026

Could anything else go wrong?

A wife angrily searches the bedsheets while waving her cellphone. She shouts, "First the wifi goes down, now i can't find my keys. Could anything else go wrong?" meanwhile her husband is in the bathroom in his purple pajamas, brushing his teeth, and a creepy green arm has reached up out of the drain and grabbed him by the neck and is strangling him. Toothpaste flies everywhere.

 

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Sunday, March 27, 2022

DIY - Four New Do-It-Yourself Tasks

Do it yourself:  we used to have experts help us with important things.  Now we have to be our own lawyers, publishers, travel agents, and accountants.  What's next?

 

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Friday, December 10, 2021

Expensive Coffee - the mini series

Frame 1. Sr. Banana, the chihuahua, sits on a small rug and polishes a silver teapot. Frame 2: a blue-green genie in a golden fez begins to drift out of the teapot spout. it says, “So, Sr. Banana. you summon me once again.” Sr. Banana says, “Si.” Frame 3: The genie, now full out, and dressed in red and white polka-dotted harem pants, sits cross-legged on a cloud of minty green mist, and says, “For what do you wish?” Sr. B says, “to taste the most expensive coffee on earth!” Frame 4: the Genie, who has purple eyes, says, “And? you still have two wishes.” Sr. B ponders, and then says, “ok, the THREE most expensive coffees on earth!”

Frame 1: Sampling the priciest coffees on earth. The Genie hands Sr. Banana a small cup of steaming black coffee, and says, “This is Kopi Luak, also called civet coffee.” Frame 2: Sr. Banana inhales the aroma with closed eyes, and says, “mmmm! where are the beans from?” Frame 3: The door opens and three animals with golden fur and black stripes stride in. one says “You just don’t want to know.” the second says, “where’s the bathroom?” and the third says, “who has the collection jar?”

Frame 1: Sr. Banana points at his cup of coffee and speaks to one of the three civets. “This coffee is made from beans you picked out of your DUNG?” Frame 2: the civet points a nose in the air and says, “Please. we say ‘harvested’.” Frame 3: another civet comes up and hands Sr. Banana a glass jar and says, “here’s more beans.” a third civet says, “we only found 14.” the first civet adds, “and you’re out of t.p.” Frame 4: the civets leave, striding past the window of the cafe. the Genie says to Sr. Banana, “and, as you can see, they’re free-range civets.”

Black Ivory The Genie sits cross-legged on a cloud of green mist, and says, “this coffee is five times as expensive as civet coffee.” Frame 2: closeup of a steaming cup of black coffee. the genie says, “It’s called “Black Ivory.” Frame 3: Sr. Banana, the chihuahua who wished for expensive coffee, covers his eyes and says. “ivory? wait. is it also made from half-digested beans?” Frame 4: an elephant trunk drifts down into view from far above, startling Sr. Banana, and a voice says, “We prefer to say ’natural refined.’ Now, where’s the bathroom?”

Frame 1: The Genie snaps a finger and a cup of coffee appears. Genie says, “for your third wish, Elida Geisha, $75 per cup.” Frame 2: the genie holds out the cup and a plate of food, and says, “it pairs well with argan oil and hummus.” Sr. Banana motions angrily with his hand. “No! No more coffee made from dung!” Frame 3: the Genie says, “but-“ and Sr. Banana interrupts, saying “no coffee but i’ll take the hummus.” Frame 4: A goat comes up behind Sr. Banana and asks, “you do know where organ oil comes from, right?” and other voice says, “quick! where’s the bathroom?”

 

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Thursday, April 16, 2020

Quarantoons: Sequestration Yoga

Need exercise but don't have enough space? Try the new Sequestration Yoga! Here are four useful poses for very crowded spaces, along with their sanskrit names. Frame 1: woman with grey ponytail squatting beneath her kitchen table: “Hunchinundatabel Pose” Frame 2: crowded kids’ bedroom. Man with red beard standing on one foot arms outstretched. A baby sleeps on his left hand. a toddler swings from his right arm. a dog perches on his uplifted knee, and a cat rubs against his ankle. “Uppahevibebi Pose” Frame 3: Woman squeezed between her kitchen table and her fridge. she’s balanced on one leg in dancer’s pose, one arm stretched behind to capture her uplifted foot. her other hand is feeding a sandwich into her face, and an open box of crackers stands on the table, along with a cereal bowl. “Findandeetamunchi Pose.” Frame 4: a tiny bathroom. Man on his back inside his shower stall. both legs stretched up above him in the waterfall pose. he’s struggling with his hands to grasp something on the slippery surface to help him get out of the pose. “Owai Kanget Auttashowa Pose”

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Sunday, November 06, 2016

Rapunzel's Plumber

"I guess I found your problem, Miss Rapunzel." says the plumber, extracting from her shower drain the world's largest hairball.

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Wednesday, June 01, 2016

Walkies: or the Amazing Inverse Relationship of Water

Walkies: or the Amazing Inverse Relationship of Water: when they go out the dog pees and the man drinnks. when they return, it's the opposite.
Walkies: or the Amazing Inverse Relationship of Water
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Wednesday, May 18, 2016

Bathroom Scene

Bathroom Scene at work

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Friday, August 01, 2014

His & Hers Beauty Routines


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