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Tuesday, December 28, 2021

Krampus has a problem


Frame 1: Solstice Goat finds Krampus sitting disconsolately in the snow beneat the window of a house. "What's wrong, Krampus?" "oh hi, Solstice Goat. Sigh...i used to knw which kids were the bad ones." Frame 2: Krampus continues. "They used to give other kids wedgies." we see a big girl yanking the underwear up on a little kid. Frame 3: "...and swirlies." We see a bihg boy holding a little kid by the ankles over a flushing toilet. Frame 4: "now they barely move! how do I know who to punsh?" We see Krampus and the Goat peering through the window into a living room where three children sit on the sofa, each one staring blank-eyed into an electronic device - phone, ipad, computer.

at December 28, 2021
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Labels: children, christmas, computer, electronics, goat, ipad, kids, krampus, solstice, swirlie, wedgie

Monday, December 20, 2021

Solstice lights

Frame 1: Sr. Banana and Bokchoi look at a calendar with a snowman on it. Bolchoi says, “Almost solstice!” nearby, Happy the Poodle, Ella the Persian Cat, and Earl, the English Bulldog are at a table slumped over teacups and mugs. Happy says, “good.” Ella says, “I miss the light.” Earl says, “me too.” Frame 2: Sr. Banana says, “wait! i have a bright idea. stay right there!’ Frame 3: Everyone has been completely wrapped up in strings of fairy lights and all the colors of the rainbow gleam brightly, and everyone shouts, “Happy Solstice!”

 

at December 20, 2021
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Labels: calendar, christmas lights, darkness, Holiday Lights, lights, solstice, winter

Saturday, December 18, 2021

Solstice Goat Visits

Frame 1: Solstice Goat arrives with a big bag full of presents and gives one to Ella, the persian cat, saying "Tada!" Ella crosses her arms and says, "a book?" and Earl, the English Bulldog says, "She wants a scooter." Frame 2: Solstice Goat rolls its eyes and says, "then she should BUY a scooter, Churl!" Earl makes fists, saying "hey! no one talks to me like that!" and in the background ella is unwrapping the book. Frame 3: Ella, Earl, and the Goat are all in a big fighting ball of hissing, shouting, claws, and punches, and the book comes flying out and lands on the ground. Frame 4: Senor Banana comes along, says "ooh! a book!" and picks it up, then says, "Poems of Peace. what a great present!"

 

at December 18, 2021
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Labels: books, christmas, conflict, fight, gift, goat, peace, presents, solstice

Friday, December 10, 2021

Expensive Coffee - the mini series

Frame 1. Sr. Banana, the chihuahua, sits on a small rug and polishes a silver teapot. Frame 2: a blue-green genie in a golden fez begins to drift out of the teapot spout. it says, “So, Sr. Banana. you summon me once again.” Sr. Banana says, “Si.” Frame 3: The genie, now full out, and dressed in red and white polka-dotted harem pants, sits cross-legged on a cloud of minty green mist, and says, “For what do you wish?” Sr. B says, “to taste the most expensive coffee on earth!” Frame 4: the Genie, who has purple eyes, says, “And? you still have two wishes.” Sr. B ponders, and then says, “ok, the THREE most expensive coffees on earth!”

Frame 1: Sampling the priciest coffees on earth. The Genie hands Sr. Banana a small cup of steaming black coffee, and says, “This is Kopi Luak, also called civet coffee.” Frame 2: Sr. Banana inhales the aroma with closed eyes, and says, “mmmm! where are the beans from?” Frame 3: The door opens and three animals with golden fur and black stripes stride in. one says “You just don’t want to know.” the second says, “where’s the bathroom?” and the third says, “who has the collection jar?”

Frame 1: Sr. Banana points at his cup of coffee and speaks to one of the three civets. “This coffee is made from beans you picked out of your DUNG?” Frame 2: the civet points a nose in the air and says, “Please. we say ‘harvested’.” Frame 3: another civet comes up and hands Sr. Banana a glass jar and says, “here’s more beans.” a third civet says, “we only found 14.” the first civet adds, “and you’re out of t.p.” Frame 4: the civets leave, striding past the window of the cafe. the Genie says to Sr. Banana, “and, as you can see, they’re free-range civets.”

Black Ivory The Genie sits cross-legged on a cloud of green mist, and says, “this coffee is five times as expensive as civet coffee.” Frame 2: closeup of a steaming cup of black coffee. the genie says, “It’s called “Black Ivory.” Frame 3: Sr. Banana, the chihuahua who wished for expensive coffee, covers his eyes and says. “ivory? wait. is it also made from half-digested beans?” Frame 4: an elephant trunk drifts down into view from far above, startling Sr. Banana, and a voice says, “We prefer to say ’natural refined.’ Now, where’s the bathroom?”

Frame 1: The Genie snaps a finger and a cup of coffee appears. Genie says, “for your third wish, Elida Geisha, $75 per cup.” Frame 2: the genie holds out the cup and a plate of food, and says, “it pairs well with argan oil and hummus.” Sr. Banana motions angrily with his hand. “No! No more coffee made from dung!” Frame 3: the Genie says, “but-“ and Sr. Banana interrupts, saying “no coffee but i’ll take the hummus.” Frame 4: A goat comes up behind Sr. Banana and asks, “you do know where organ oil comes from, right?” and other voice says, “quick! where’s the bathroom?”

 

at December 10, 2021
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Labels: argan, bathroom, black, civet, coffee, elephant, free-range, goat, ivory, money, toilet

Wednesday, December 01, 2021

How To Saint

How to Saint In the past, to be a saint you had to give up your time and money. (scene: an elderly bearded man in a monk’s robe handing bread out to a line of homeless people in the snow, cats and pigeons cleaning crumbs off the cobblestones. ) or bits of your body (scene; a dungeon. a nun behind bars. a greasy jailer chortling and approaching with giant tongs). You had to withstand criticism (Scene, the french countryside. Joan of Arc in armor and carrying a banner of the flour de lys, marching off, while peasants watch and say “She’s mad!”) Lots of it. (scene, John the Evangelist in a giant pot with a fire stoked beneath it. a man in leather doublet pours a long ladle of hot oil over the marty’s head) But now it’s easier! (scene, an office. two desks. one person says “I sent you that link you wanted.” the other person says “you’re a saint!”) Scene: two people waiting at a bus stop on an icy day. one holds out a thermos cup and says “coffee?” and the other says, “you’re a saint.” So become a saint today - refill someone’s printer paper! (scene - a person shutting the paper tray of a desktop printer and winking)

 

at December 01, 2021
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Labels: charity, coffee, computers, Evangelist, inflation, Joan of Arc, martyr, office, paper, printer, saint, St. John, torture
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Genevieve
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