Friday, October 27, 2006

Halloween Bio Info. (come back tomorrow for Halloween cartoons!)

The Scar Chapter:

Most people notice the scar on my wrist pretty early on. It's big. Let me measure it. hold on...3" long, .25" wide. Not a suicide attempt, let me say. Also let me say this: if you plan on hitting a window, hit it fast and hard, and then STOP. and then slowly and carefully draw your (choose body part) back through the hole you made. The EMTs told me most people who hurt themselves on glass windows and doors don't get their injuries going through, but coming back, on the remaining shards of glass.

I have a 3/4" scar on my right finger, from when i was putting china plates into a stacker at a steak restaurant in Arlington, VA, where I was working (the token white on the all-latino restaurant staff). Did you ever cut yourself and have NO IDEA how it happened? It was like that. I don't know how the plate cut me, but it did. I got bonus tips that day from the kind servicemen customers.

There's a 2" round scar that looks like a sponge on the inside of my calf - Motorcycle exhaust. Kids, always wear GOOD trousers when you're biking. I got a scar, but you should see the pants I had on that day! Toast!

My other two-wheeler scar is from a scooter crash I had in Greece. I was coasting into a nice little fishing village and hit a puddle of gravel (god i hate gravel). I somehow managed to go over the handles and onto my forehead. It's not enough that god gave me a head shaped like a polished toaster. No, I also got a scar on the corner. Yes, i said corner. I'm the only person I know with corners on her head. The lesson you should take home is this: always carry a handkerchief when you travel. My mother supplies me with colored paisley hankies from Sam's store in Ann Arbor, MI. They are good for carrying change when you have no pocket (bathing suits), using as a hat to protect your toaster-shaped head from sunburn, as a washcloth, as a towel, as a shirt (it helps being underdeveloped), and finally, as a gift to someone you've just met. If there's not blood or sweat on it, that is. With the hankie tied around my head, walking into the sea with blood streaming down my face, surrounded by silent crowds of Greek villagers, I came as close as I ever would to looking like Rambo.

Ok where was i? There's no scars left on my toes, thank god, from the parasite I picked up in West Africa in 1991, so I won't tell you about that. Or from the wierd ring I got above my right hip, while I was in the Smokies in the haunted cabin (the only incident I can positively assert I did spend the entire night in a haunted place). So I won't tell you about that either.

Finally, we have the small white scar on the bottom of my finger, the address of the chip of hampster tooth (sorry, hampster, I didn't mean to startle you), and the lump in my upper lip from when I was meditatively chewing on one end of a pony-tail holder and tugging on the other end. The kind with colored plastic balls on each end? Yeah, i let go by accident. That's not why my tooth is chipped - that's another story. I have to go now.

And because you probably need a hug, here's one from me. ****